I am missing a bunch of people. My family is fractured and my heart is hurting. I feel like the little 7 year old all over again, wondering why only half of my family was together. Back then i wondered all the time where my Daddy was. Tonight the little girl inside of me is crying out for her Papa. She wants someone to hold her and read her stories and snuggle her to sleep, to kiss her on the forehead and tell her they love her before tucking her into bed. She wants someone to color pretty pictures for. I'm trying to take care of her as best i can, but how can i when its taking everything i have to hold myself together? I just want a little break. I want to be able to scream and cry and let everything i'm holding in out. I was told by so many people this weekend how wonderful and amazing i looked and how happy i seemed. The mask is cracking. I'm tired of pretending i'm fine. The truth is, even in a crowd of amazing friends, protectors, family, and guardian angels, i am lonely, scared, hurt, and tired. Will someone please invent a time machine so i can go back and change history?
- Current Mood: lonely